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 From:
GBNJ records
Recorded on: July 19, 2003 1:22pm EST
Source: Bill Malkin, GBNJ CEO
Name:
Ice Guy |
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Further
Information: Not much is know on the background of
this 75 foot tall frozen dessert mascot, except the facts of
that fateful day. During a “Customer Appreciation Day” at the
Rita’s Water Ice of Browns Mills, NJ this immense Ice Guy
lumbered his way through downtown Pemberton and tried to destroy
the small town of Browns Mills starting with the Rita’s stand
located there. Before any sort of investigation could be
launched the beast tried to trample the gathered crowd. Rob
Wurm of GBNJ quickly grabbed his proton gun and fired at Ice
Guy’s only apparent weakness, his crotch. Ice Guy then exploded
covering the town in a sticky, gooey, yet delicious mess that is
still being cleaned up to this day! |
We're going about this all wrong. If we get Ice Guy a threesome with Gelati Girl and Mrs. Twist, we won't have a problem! Nobody steps on a frozen dessert stand in my town! "Aim for the nards!" -Bill
"Do Ice Guys got nards?" -Rob
We're going about this all wrong. If we get Ice Guy a threesome with Gelati Girl and Mrs. Twist, we won't have a problem!
 From:
GBNJ
recordsRecorded on: Aug. 21, 2004
3:35 pm EST
Source: Bill Malkin (CEO) & Rich Roy (DoGO)
Name: The One-Eyed Purple Goo Spitter...eew!
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Further Information:
While Rich and I were at the GBNJ: North lab working on improvements
to the equipment, we received a call from a distressed women from a
second floor apartment around the corner from HQ. She said she
felt like someone or something was watching her, but every time she'd
check nothing would be there. Rich and I sprung into action and
raced over to the scene. Our short investigation brought us face
to face with the one-eyed monster. (well he actually had 3 eyes, but one
of them over shadowed the other two. -Rich) It took us a while to
capture the slippery little beast. We finally cornered it as it headed
under the victim's bed, but not with out consequence. Rich took a
blast to the face from the little one-eyed bugger. (Damn it Bill
this is serious investigation, not a damned porn film! Look I got
slimed that's it! Bill your a sick F! -Rich) |
Rich firing at the one-ey...ahem, at the spectral enitity in question. obviously he missed. -Bill Bill totally carving in to the next apartment, oh yeah and he blew a chance to trap the ghost. -Rich "is it in there?" - Bill
"Hey, I bet you'll never slime a guy with a positron collider." -Rich
Rich firing at the one-ey...ahem, at the spectral enitity in question. obviously he missed. -Bill
 From:
GBNJ Archive
Recorded on:
Nov. 27, 2006 8:48 pm EST
Source: Rob Wurm (Elimination
Specialist)
Name: The Uninvited House Guest |
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Further
Information: There has been a rash of disturbances at local
Laundromats, where Underpants Gnomes have been reportedly stealing
clothes of attractive female models, forcing them to leave naked.
Unfortunately I was assigned a domestic haunting. When
I arrived Bill was already on the scene. The above spook entered
the premises about 3 weeks ago, When the homeowners son brought the
entity home as a pet. The ghost seemed like a benevolent presence,
he cooked and cleaned for the family, but then began to become
possessive of the house. When the spook started barricading doors
and tossing the family's possessions on the front lawn, they called us.
Bill and I easily tracked it to the backyard, where we instituted
standard "zap-n-trap" procedures. |
"Quiet! You smell something?" -Rob "What's behind door number 1?" -Rob "Bill, He went this way." -Rob
"Why must they always go outside, when it's like 40 below?" "We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!" -Rob
"Quiet! You smell something?" -Rob
| From:
GBNJ Archives Recorded on: Oct.
1, 2009 at 2:30 pm EST
Source: Moe Velez, Bill Malkin, & Rob Wurm
Name: Onion Head, and then Cyclops Unicorn,
oh then there was this Crazy Devil looking thing.
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| Further
Information: We got a call saying some weird shit was going
down in the Pine Barrens, like dogs and cats living together, real end
or the world type stuff, but really when isn't there Hell about to spew
forth from the Pine Barrens? Any way...long story short, we fought
hordes of ghosts and sealed a rift to the ghost world. standard
day really. |
Moses Velez: strongest man in the world Just your typical Class 5 Full Roaming Vapor "Get back here you meat eater!" How do you close a portal to the bowels of Hell?
Moses Velez: strongest man in the world
| From: GBNJ
Archives Recorded on: Oct. 30, 2009 @
7:35 pm
Source: Jeff Henke (terminated)
Name: Ghost-flu patient Zero |
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| Further Information:
After attending a Seminar where we learned of the coming dangers of
a pandemic virus which can effect ghost and human alike, Bill and I went
in search of a possible "Patient Zero". We found the above subject
and hosed her with a healthy dose of mood slime, then took some blood
samples back to the lab where our techs were able to create a vaccine.
We then did free screenings and sold the injection to weary parents for
their children on Halloween. |
She...snotted...on...me! F.M.L. Uh, first you need to turn it on, numbnuts!
She...snotted...on...me! F.M.L.
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